5 rules for having an affair during a long-term relationship

posted by Chris Valentine
There are rules for having an affair during a long-term relationship you must follow if you don't want it to ruin your life

Photo by CC user Tumisu on Pixabay

You are in a steady relationship with the one you truly love and everything is just the way you wanted it to be. Both of you are supporting each other. You are best friends, great partners in life and know one another inside out. But when it comes to intimacy, things kind of died down or even came to a halt over the years. And this is often the main reasons for relationships to break up. Although it does sound controversial, an affair can be the salvation of your relationship. Here are five rules you should consider, when having an affair.

  1. Get your emotional facts straight!

OK. So, you are sexually underchallenged and your shower song of choice since the last couple of months or even years is “all by myself”. But you really love your life partner and the idea of losing him or her because of an affair simply does not justify embarking on an affair. Well … think of it this way. Being sexually frustrated will eventually backfire on the emotional level you share with your partner. You will start blaming him or her for not giving you what you so much crave for. And you will find yourself less and less attractive, question your qualities as a lover and lose quite a chunk of your self-esteem. And that is just the tip of the iceberg! If you browse through the internet about this issue, you’ll be everything between mildly astonished and full-on panicking! Hence, if you are not getting any from your partner – having an affair does not seem like the worst idea ever.

  1. Prepare to deal with your dirty conscience

Having sex is great. Having a sensual adventure with someone new is even more exciting! Discovering a new body, doing things which you have not even thought about and feeling all the build-up sexual tension disappear is a mind-blowing experience. But as we all know: after each high, there is a low. Because if you are not a stone-hearted gigolo or an ice-cold diva, you will feel miserable when facing your true love once you come back home. Now is the time to face a simple fact: Imaging you would feel nothing in this very intense moment. Would that not tell you that the relationship you have cherished and maintained for years is truly over? That not having sex with your partner is actually the consequence of not loving him or her anymore? Having a bad conscience means that you are still emotionally attached and that is something very positive. If you are looking for a very nice and inspiring article about this dilemma and how to deal with it, check out the text from author Bill Lokey on Storyline.

  1. Keep it un-personal and far away from home!

This is the golden rule of having an affair. Do not go looking for any sexual adventures within your circle of friends, neighbours, on the job or basically anywhere you might end up in an emotional turmoil. As soon as you connect with your sex partner on a personal level, things are about to become much more complicated. If you want to make sure that your sexual affair will be just that and nothing more, have a professional escort agency arrange a date with a charming companion for you, while – for instance – being on a business trip in Geneva / Switzerland. These ladies are not only beautiful, but also inspiring on a personal level. Yes – it’s paid sex. But both of you know exactly what you are in for. Have a nice dinner, some drinks and then hit the hotel room and let the magic happen. Once the date is over, both of you will go their separate ways and that’s it. No tears, no exchanging private numbers, and no worries about unexpected scenes in front of your doorstep a few days later!

  1. Consider an open relationship

Now here is something, which could work out if done correctly. If you have been living with your partner for many years, you are most probably in one of two common relationship states. Either you talk about everything, trust each other and know that you are going to be by each other’s side for quite some time to come. Or you are in a state of a relationship where you coexist side by side. If the coexisting thing sounds familiar, it is time for some fundamental changes and an affair should be the last of your worries. But if you really trust and love each other but just don’t feel that sexually attracted anymore, the idea of having an open relationship can be something good. Keep in mind though that this kind of agreement is tricky and must be well thought through. Thus, you need to establish some rules to this kind of relationship! Not within the same circle of friends and most importantly …

  1. Keep it secret!

Even if you talk about everything with your partner and you have promised to never ever keep a secret from him or her – here is a line you should not cross! Confessing to an affair will hurt even the most liberal life partner. If you have decided to try out the concept of living an open relationship, things look a bit different. In order to maintain the mutual trust, which is the main pillar this agreement rests upon, don’t take your life partner completely out of the loop. However, never share the details of your sexual endeavours! Just let him or her know what you have been up to and that you have walked through the door you have both opened for each other.

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