Relationships aren’t perfect. There will always be parts that are ugly. However, it doesn’t mean that most parts of your relationship must be full of pain and sleepless nights. Your relationship must be your safe haven in your life where you can be yourself. It should be something that sends you endless joy and support that you can never get from other people.
Love is beautiful. Who in the world would not want to love and be loved, right? Although sometimes love can be blinding. We always romanticized the idea of loving someone as a need even if we receive, in return, the type of love that we no longer deserve. Yes, there are types of love that make you feel bad rather than receiving happiness. Only then you’ll realize that you already indulge yourself in a toxic relationship. Whatever goals you have in mind, or careers that you want to achieve, getting involved in a toxic relationship is the last thing you need in life.
1. Your partner loves to discourage you.
If you want to feel loved, you should be in a commitment where your partner claps his/her hands every time you achieve something. However, if your partner treats you the other way around, that’s a problem. If instead of encouraging you to do better, he/she loves to criticize you in everything you do, you’re in a toxic relationship. If your partner gives you comments like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Why do you insist on doing that? It’s not for you.”
“You wear too much makeup. You look like a clown.”
“I don’t like you playing basketball with your friends.”
“I’ll better be out for lunch than eat the foods you’ve prepared.”
Whether these things have been said like your partner’s just kidding around, you know for sure that these words can tear your heart. You should not settle in a relationship that makes you feel bad about yourself. If the type of relationship you are in makes you wonder if there’s something you can do good for him/her to appreciate, then you are in a wrong relationship.
2. The effort given is not balanced.
You should be in a relationship that can match the level of intensity that you can do for your relationship. Your partner must be willing to keep the fire burning by doing the things that he knows will make you happy. For example, you love to surprise him even on random days to brighten up his mood. He must be willing to return the favor, too, by at least sending some missing you quotes for you to be happy. Your busy schedule should not be a reason why he’s not exerting efforts to prioritize your time together.
A relationship will never last if one of you is not cooperating to work everything out. You can’t do it all. It will be tiring for you to do all the works because you are supposed to be a team. It is essential that you give what you can give to the relationship. However, you should face the reality that there is no way you can save the relationship if the other one does not see any reason to work hard and be at his best to keep you satisfied.
3. You fight over petty things.
As mentioned above, relationships will always have bumps in the roads. However, you should choose the ones worth fighting over. It would help if you were together when the world is against you. Instead of fighting with each other, you should have each other’s back and fight it together. Toxic relationships, on the other hand, will often end up fighting over petty things. For example, you fight over the schedule of time you have to spend together instead of compromising each other’s free schedules. Most inspirational Christian quotes can help you take things lightly. However, if you can talk and compromise with small things that bother you both, you will easily break.
You can’t say that you want the relationship to last long if you don’t resist the issues that will create conflicts. You are in a toxic relationship if your partner doesn’t know how to pick an issue that’s worth arguing or if he insists on picking fights with you instead of letting it all pass. Additionally, if he keeps on bringing up the things that you have already settled before, it will only feed the chaos that you’ve already buried, thus stressing you more than ever.
4. Your partner is always jealous.
A little jealousy in a relationship is essential for you to remind your partner that you don’t want to lose him. However, in a toxic relationship, there will be times that in everything you do with other things or other people, it pisses him off. For example, he doesn’t like to see you chatting with your workmates during break times or texting your friends when they need someone to talk to. If your partner is always jealous, it will turn out to be a behavior where he keeps thinking you’re hiding something from him. Can you imagine your partner turning into a stalker that checks out on you every minute of every day, wherever you may go?
Surely it will creep you out. Too much jealousy is very toxic because rather than making the person you love appreciated, he will end up controlling everything you do, and you will not be able to do things that you used to do before. Furthermore, it will be too tiring for you to follow everything that she wants you to do. If you feel like you’re becoming incapable of the things you are always passionate about, leave the drama and the relationship.
5. You believe that your partner will change for good soon.
When you love a person, you will embrace even his ugly parts, and this includes his behavior. You chose to stay because you believe that he is not perfect. Well, you should cut that crap! You should stop tolerating the bad behavior of your partner, believing that he will change for good.
Toxic relationship happens to people who have their high hopes in changes they wish to see with their partners if they stay. Oftentimes, you can see this in movies, and you’ll get really frustrated how the person forgives her partner a million times just because she loves. Well, love is not enough. Even if you find one good reason to stay with him, if the other 99% is stressing you all day long, you should not expect the change to come knocking on his door.
6. You don’t trust each other.
The number one foundation of a relationship aside from love is trust. Without it, there’s no reason to start or even continue a relationship with your partner. You know you are in a toxic relationship of your partner keeps on telling you lies that whatever he says, you know he’s not telling the truth.
There’s no such thing as a healthy relationship if your partner makes you insecure and suspicious every time you’re with him or when he’s away. Trust is very hard to get back. So, when it’s gone, you should expect that your relationship with your partner will follow.
It takes a lot of sacrifices to keep a relationship. However, if your happiness and value are at stake just so you can have someone you can call yours, it’s not worth it. You don’t need stress to be happy, and you don’t have to feel violated to feel loved. So, if you feel like the signs above are evident to the relationship you have now, leave. You should not lose yourself in the whole process because the right one will always make your life wonderful!
Scott Zhou is the owner of Ponwell.com. He is an entrepreneur by spirit. Scott likes to share his insights on an array of topics related to relationship, self-improvement, lifestyle and motivation. His recent collection of powerful quotes will showcase the importance of relationship to achieve the goals of living in harmony.