A healthy marriage is always good for the children as well as a couple’s physical and mental health. However, it is not uncommon for marriages to turn sour, unhealthy and end up in a divorce. 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States end up in divorce. This, however, does not make getting through a divorce easy.
Going through a divorce is never an easy time for either partner or the children, if any. Family and friends also always have their opinion, and that can make things either easy or tough. If you are going through a divorce, there are a few things that can make things less terrible for you.
Whether you are considering getting a divorce or you are already in the middle of it, here are few tips that can help make the divorce as bearable as possible.
1. Accept It and Grieve
Accepting that your marriage is over and embracing the pain that you feel is one of the first tips that will make things easy for you. Cry, be sentimental, get angry, scream and punch a pillow if you have to do what you need to do to get it all out. Just do not let your kids see any of it.
Divorce is tragic, unfair and awful, if you suppress your emotions, you will not only take a lot of time to heal, but you might harbor some bitterness that will lay in wait till you deal with it. That is not healthy for you.
If you allow yourself to feel the pain and grieve it all out, it will pass quicker, and you’ll have an easy time facing your partner and dealing with the whole process.
2. Get Emotional Support
A divorce means the end of the plans that you had together and the end of a meaningful relationship. This can be emotionally draining. If your former partner was the only emotional support that you had, you would need to get someone to rely on emotionally so that you can remain stable. Identify a friend or family member that can help you go through it.
Not having the right emotional support makes going through a divorce harder than it is supposed to be. Find someone that you are free to feel vulnerable with, during the divorce process, and if it is not a friend or family member, you can choose to see a counselor. Find a shoulder to cry on.
3. Keep Living and Do Not Look Back
A common mistake that people make when faced with divorce is to blame themselves.
You are divorced; it is done. Do not allow yourself to bear thought like, “if only I did not nag him too much” or “if only I were a better wife or husband.” There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you have all the control over what will happen next.
Do not stop living. If you had planned for a girls or boys trip, do not cancel them— go and have fun. Treat yourself well, go shopping, get a pedicure, and cook something nice for yourself or any other thing that will make you feel good about yourself no matter how small it is. You can also consider hitting the gym; physical activities are always good for mental health.
4. Join a Divorce Support Group
There are other people going through exactly what you are going through. However, much as you share your feelings with a shrink, friend, or family member, hearing the stories of other people who have gone through a divorce and how they are doing will help you.
The best thing about a divorce support group is that everyone understands what you are going through, and no one will judge you or get tired of hearing you out.
A support group will also help you not to feel isolated. If you do not want to feel sidelined by family and friends, you can consider joining one too.
This is also a way of finding a new best friend who you share something in common with and will always understand you
5. Enjoy With Your Children
It is always a good idea to leave your children out of the ugliness of a divorce. However, do not let them feel alienated. If you are sharing custody, make the best out of the time you have with them when they are around.
Do not try to bribe them with gifts or try so much to show them that you are okay; instead, have fun with them. Have a family movie night, play some games together or go out for a picnic.
6. Rediscover Your Interests
So there are those activities and hobbies that you stopped doing, maybe because you did not have time or your partner did not like them. Take this chance to rediscover those interests and your passions and pursue them.
Doing something you love will help you go through your divorce easier, and you will have something to look forward to.
7. Minimize Contacts With Your Former Spouse
To avoid bickering and picking fights with your ex, you need to take some time away from them. Whether you fought before the divorce or not, you need to try and minimize the time you spend with your ex or how much you talk to them.
Remember, if you have to talk to them, be kind, you need to be moving on with your life. Being bitter means you are still stuck in the past.
Consider These Tips When Getting Through a Divorce
Even though every case is different, getting through a divorce is very important for your well-being. Whether you have a mutual agreement to end your marriage, or you’re walking out from an abusive relationship, you will still have to find the best way to go through it without losing yourself.
These tips will help you deal with it and remain sane at the same time. To read more, check out our other articles.