This is a massive story… in Smithfield, Utah. A 14 year old paperboy was chased up a tree by somebody’s pet goat named Voledmort! Jaxon Gessel was delivering papers when Voldemort the Goat knocked him off his bike with a head-butt. After he ran up a nearby tree, he sat there for an hour, staring at The-Goat-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named who was staring back. He was finally convinced to do something when the goat started harassing some girls walking by. He didn’t want to look like a wuss, mind you.
Marissa Benson, the goat’s owner, says he’s really good, especially with kids. Which is why he was called Voldemort, naturally.
Gessel later got a teasing from classmates, calling him “Goat Boy.”
“People are just like, ‘Why are you scared of goats? I’m like that was a freaky goat. I think it’s like possessed or something.”
We’re sure the teasing is only temporary, and the nickname won’t stick. Right?
In other Smithfield news, absolutely nothing happened whatsoever.