What to Do and Not Do, If You Suspect Your Wife Is Having an Affair

posted by Chris Valentine

It may just be a nagging thought in the back of your head, or you may have already uncovered something that indicates that your wife may be having an affair. What should you do? Tread lightly because you don’t want to accuse your wife of stepping out on your marriage unless there are definite signs of cheating, especially if you want a chance to restore your marriage or repair the relationship. Here are three things you should do and three things you should not do if you suspect your wife is having an affair.

What to Do If You Suspect Your Wife Is Having an Affair: 

First of all, talk to her. Communication is key when it comes to relationships, especially if you are feeling neglected or suspicious. Find out what she is thinking and going through; maybe she’s gotten quiet and introspective because a friend or family member is sick, maybe there is trouble at work, or perhaps she’s just had a really tough day with the kids. Connect with your spouse every day if possible, to check in and see what’s going on in her head. This alone may alleviate any worries you may have. Talking it out may be all you need to reassure yourself or it may give you a reason to press the pause button on your relationship. If your wife is not willing to talk to you or seems to be avoiding you, then you might want to proceed with caution.

Next, assess what you yourself might be doing or not doing to help or harm the relationship. Do you make enough time for her? Does she handle all the home issues, kid issues, and money issues while you play video games? If you both work, is the division of labor fair and equitable? These kinds of issues are always at play in a long-term relationship. Make sure you are doing everything in your power to meet her needs—physical, emotional, and practical—in order to “affair-proof” your marriage. See what things you can change to make your relationship stronger and deeper. You don’t have to be perfect, but a willing heart and spirit go a long way toward making your wife feel heard, acknowledged and loved.

Lastly, assess your relationship together. Take some time to evaluate your relationship together and see what you both can do better. Do the two of you spend quality time alone so that you can connect and feel as if you are working as a team? Evaluate the part you play in your relationship in order to fill in any gaps that she may be experiencing. Maybe go away for the weekend so the two of you can concentrate on each other without the distractions of everyday life. This is especially important if you have children…every spouse needs time to concentrate on their mate without worrying about meeting the needs of the little ones.

What Not to Do If You Suspect Your Wife Is Having an Affair 

Do NOT try to spy on her phone. If you have a relationship built on trust and loyalty, spying on her phone negates that and makes you look petty and distrustful. There are better ways to uncover the truth than skulking around trying to get a look at her phone. It may even be illegal if you try to hack her phone, so hands off. There are better ways to get to the truth than relying on the data found on her phone.

Do NOT try to follow her yourself. You are not an undercover agent and will only do more harm than good if you try to follow your wife and get caught. Again, it makes you look petty, distrustful, and paranoid. This may be your first instinct but try not to give in to it. There are better ways to find out if she is having an affair that will put you in a better position emotionally and relationship-wise.

Do NOT confront her and her lover. If you do follow your wife and find out that she is having an affair, do not do anything rash like confronting her and her lover in the heat of the moment. Being emotional and hasty will only further damage your relationship instead of working toward healing it, if that is the path you both choose. New York City private investigator Darrin Giglio recommends caution when trying to decide what to do in this situation. “Professional investigators can provide you with actual proof of an affair and present it in a way that takes out all of the emotion so that you can make better decisions about what to do,” Giglio said, “Sometimes a neutral third party such as a private investigator can be the best option if you have any suspicions.”

Giglio also warned that some actions may not even be legal, so be wary of what you do if you suspect your wife is cheating on you. You cannot legally bug her vehicle, install a key logger on her computer, hack her phone, social media, or email accounts. You may get proof of the affair, but you will also open yourself up to potential legal issues as well as further damage your relationship. For your protection, it’s best to consult a professional private eye for advice before you decide to proceed with any action in investigating your spouse.

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