Written by Bill G on April 20 2013
Director: Mark Steven Johnson
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Colin Farrell, Michael Clarke Duncan, Joe Pantoliano
We’re back once again with another edition of Ben Affleck Cinema! And this time around we’ve got a film that features Mr. Affleck in a role that brilliantly mirrors the actor himself – that of a superhero!
As you can see, this is no ordinary superhero – DareDevil is blind! It started when he was 12 years old and living in Hell’s Kitchen, which apparently has a lot of biohazardous materials lying about. Some of this stuff splashed our hero in the eye, causing total blindness, which means he would never be able to see Gigli in all its glory.
It’s all right, though, since immediately after going blind Matt Murdock develops superhuman hearing and sense of smell. He also becomes a martial arts and acrobatic expert. This is what happens to everyone who becomes blind, so it is not a good idea to pick a fight with a blind person.
When he grows up, Matt Murdock takes on two jobs, because BA is not a lazy man. At night he is, of course, Daredevil, the “man without fear”, dispensing justice in those areas not in Batman’s jurisdiction. During the day he is a mild-mannered blind lawyer.
One day at the coffee shop, Matt has a meet-cute with Elektra Natchios, who is majorly hot.
I think Matt makes a bad joke about nachos or tacos or something, because they end up fighting in a schoolyard.
DareDevil’s nemesis is Kingpin, who likes cigars, red roses, and apparently, Ving Rhames.
Kingpin has hired an Irish assassin called Bullseye. Bullseye can throw objects with deadly accuracy. Why he’s called Bullseye, we are never told.
Bullseye killed Elektra’s dad, using Daredevil’s weapon, so Elektra thinks Daredevil did it! This is the first time in a superhero movie that the superhero has been mistaken for a villain. I’m pretty sure of that.
Later, Elektra tracks down Daredevil and challenges him.
Then, Bullseye shows up and Elektra realizes who the real bad guy is. But not before wounding our hero!
Elektra is killed by Bullseye, which really pisses off BenDevil, who fights and defeats him in a church.
Finally BA takes on Kingpin! Kingpin tells his weaselly assistant to go home because he wouldn’t understand, not having grown up in the Bronx. Apparently, fighting blind dudes in costumes is part of growing up in the Bronx.
With Kingpin defeated, BenDevil must now worry about Cypher outing his ass at the New York Post. No worries – Tank takes him out before he can write anything.
We leave you with one final shot of the BenDevilMan:
… because BA will always be blind to the haters, but forever find justice in the city of Hollywood!