Ian Murphy from the website Buffalo Beast prank called Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, pretending that he was multi-billionaire David Koch.
“We’ve met before, Dorothy,” I nudged. “I really need to talk to Scott—Governor Walker.” She said that, yes, she thought she had met Koch, and that the name was “familiar.” But she insisted that Walker was detained in a meeting and couldn’t get away. She asked about the nature of my call. I balked, “I just needed to speak with the Governor. He knows what this is about,” I said.
It’s very funny that this kind of prank call still works in this day and age. For the uninitiated, David Koch (pronounced “coke”) is a conservative businessman who owns, along with his brother Charles, Koch Industries, which is the 2nd largest privately held company in the United States. The Koch brothers are huge funders of conservative/libertarian causes, and they have been accused in some circles of orchestrating astroturf movements – in other words, “grassroots” movements (like the Tea Party) that aren’t really grassroots, but funded by multi-billionaires.
So, anyway, here’s Murphy on the horn with Walker, talking about getting rid of unions, inserting “troublemakers” into the protesting crowds, and how Mika Brzezinski is good lookin:
Choice Quotes from the “David Koch and Scott Walker” phone call:
[fake]Koch: Now who can we get to budge on this collective bargaining?
Walker: …I think the paycheck will have an impact…secondly, one of the things we’re looking at next…we’re still waiting on an opinion to see if the unions have been paying to put these guys up out of state. We think there’s at minimum an ethics violation if not an outright felony.
[fake]Koch: Well, they’re probably putting hobos in suits.
[fake]Koch: That’s what we do. Sometimes.
Walker: …I’ve got layoff notices ready…
[fake]Koch: Beautiful; beautiful. Gotta crush that union.
Walker: I would be willing to sit down and talk to him, the assembly Democrat leader, plus the other two Republican leaders—talk, not negotiate and listen to what they have to say if they will in turn—but I’ll only do it if all 14 of them will come back and sit down in the state assembly…
[fake]Koch: Bring a baseball bat. That’s what I’d do.
Walker: I have one in my office; you’d be happy with that. I have a slugger with my name on it.
[fake]Koch: We’ll back you any way we can. What we were thinking about the crowd was, uh, was planting some troublemakers.
Walker: You know, well, the only problem with that —because we thought about that. The problem—the, my only gut reaction to that is right now the lawmakers I’ve talked to have just completely had it with them, the public is not really fond of this…
Walker: I went on “Morning Joe” this morning. I like it because I just like being combative with those guys, but, uh. You know they’re off the deep end.
[fake]Koch: Joe—Joe’s a good guy. He’s one of us.
Walker: Yeah, he’s all right. He was fair to me…
[fake]Koch: You gotta love that Mika Brzezinski; she’s a real piece of ass.
[fake]Koch: Well, I tell you what, Scott: once you crush these bastards I’ll fly you out to Cali and really show you a good time.
Walker: All right, that would be outstanding. Thanks for all the support…it’s all about getting our freedoms back…
[fake]Koch: Absolutely. And, you know, we have a little bit of a vested interest as well. [Laughs]
Walker: Thanks a million!
Thanks to Glossolalia Black for the heads up on this story.