A Poem About The (First) Pepsi Girl Hallie Eisenberg

Why for art thou, Pepsi Girl?
Life is hell because of thee
Thy ramblings are nonsensical
Thy cuteness level not very

Thee has the looks of child of six
Yet, thee speaks in tongues of celebrity has-beens
I cannot reconcile the discrepancy
Surely possessed must thee be

Do not wink at me, Pepsi Girl
Peddling acid drinks to the populace
I decline to become thy next target
Thy cannot sing – do not fool us

Each time I witness Pepsi Girl
A piece of my soul is torn from me
“How cute” a silly woman says
Her soul is gone – a walking zombie

“Kill Your Television” I exclaim
And remove commercial from thy memory
Alas the demon rules the theatre
Damn thee to hell, AMC

I believe I shall kill Pepsi Girl
A well placed bullet hole shall suffice
Use Pepsi Cola to dissolve her corpse
And then I shall have myself a Coke.

*

PS: Just kidding, Hallie.