Ten Cheesy Songs From The 80s: Rock Edition


Do you remember the 80s? Are you trying not to? Don’t you miss the 80s new wave songs, the one-hit wonders, the goofy ballads? No? Well drink some Long Island Iced Teas and do lots of cocaine. Now do you miss them? Cool! Allow us to yank these very cheesy tunes back from the edge of the abyss known as the memory hole.

Not good enough? Now you can completely relive these songs LIVE by getting Rock of Ages tickets from Big Ticket Shop – hope you like Journey…

Ten Cheesy Songs From The 80s

The Rock Edition

10. Mr. Mister – Broken Wings

Our good friend Matt heard some girl singing this song at the gas station the other day. Lord knows why. Supposedly, the name Mr. Mister came from an inside joke about a Weather Report called Mr. Gone where they referred to each other as “Mister This” or “Mister That.” Wikipedia says that Mr. Mister may be considered as representative of the melodic sound of 1980s pop rock. Yeah, sure, whatever.

Read these sappy lyrics:

Take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these broken wings…

Baby, I think tonight
We can take what is wrong and make it right
Baby, it’s all I know
That you’re half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole
I need you so, ohhhh…

Ohhh… Jesus Christ! Forget the wings, just take a taxi.

9. Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is

“I Want to Know What Love Is” is a power ballad recorded by the British-American rock band Foreigner. The song hit #1 in both the UK and the U.S. and is their most successful single. It remains one of the band’s best known songs (sadly). See, this was around 1984 and it was obvious that this was nothing like their 70s output, which, even though it was typical 70s rock, at least rocked.

This mountain I must climb
Feels like the world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there´s been heartache and pain
I don´t know if I can face it again
Can´t stop now
I´ve travelled so far to change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me

What a whiner. Incidentally, we remember this song because it was played during a love scene in Miami Vice that from what we recall featured a lot of feet. Shudder.

8. Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

But I don’t know how to leave you and I’ll never let you fall.
And I don’t know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all.

God, Air Supply. A Brit and an Australian doing soft rock. This was the kind of thing that would freeze Beavis and Butthead to the couch in shock and horror. But somebody bought this damn single. The only thing cheesier than the song is the video, which features major drama involving a chick who can’t bring herself to stick out her boyfriend’s “one more tour”. This is the song they played at bars during closing time where the dweebs who couldn’t find partners for the night were left to sulk in their Miller Lite. It was also most likely played at 8th grade dances during that awkward “slow dance” moment where everyone stepped on everyone else’s toes.

7. Whitesnake – Is This Love

David Coverdale doing cheesy love ballads. Welcome to the 80s. Everybody knows Here I Go Again, which we are sure was, like, the coolest thing to listen to after you broke up with your girlfriend. That dude with the hair really understood you! But don’t forget that he had this other hit, the lyrics of which probably got you into the relationship to begin with. Nice goin.

Is this love that I’m feeling?
Is this the love that I’ve been searching for?
Is this love or am I dreaming?
This must be love ’cause it’s really got a hold on me
A hold on me

The girl in the video is Tawny Kitaen, who later married Coverdale in 1989 but ended up divorcing him 2 years later (guess it wasn’t love).

<em>Not love. Lust, most likely.</em>

Not love. Lust, most likely.

6. REO Speedwagon – Keep On Loving You

And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

And Im gonna keep on lovin you
Cause its the only thing I wanna do
I dont wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you

One of many REO Speedwagon songs to become a pop hit, this tune reached #1 for one week in March 1981 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100, and peaked a #7 in the UK Singles Chart. It’s pure cheese, especially the video, where the girl who the guy obsesses with turns out to be his psychologist at the end! Wow, brilliant writing! More cocaine?

We can’t totally hate on this song, though, as it was used in Jason Statham’s immortal Crank: High Voltage to great effect.

See Entries 1 through 5

9 Comments on Ten Cheesy Songs From The 80s: Rock Edition

  1. dear god starship. damn still laffin, what a great article. btw here’s mr3’s version of the history of rock:

    – jerry lee lewis, buddy holly, etc and later elvis make the first drops of blood in the water. the circling sharks call themselves the riaa.

    – beatles, joplin, hendrix and others prime the water with chum. labels have a freeding frenzy.

    – 70s stadium rock, prog rock, pop, and mainstream radio finalize the corporification of rock.

    – musicians that haven’t sold their soul to the machine fight back with an assault on both music and establishment called punk.

    – corporate music joins forces with politics and “traditional family values” and sodomizes punk with pop-punk, more pop, radio control, billy idol, and tipper gore.

    – punk eggs on “alternative”, more traditional punk, hardcore, speedcore, snaps heavy metal out of its daze with death metal, and stirs up grunge.

    – the music industry tempts them all to the dark side by spawning grunge clones for 15 years and calling it “1995-2009 american rock”. by this point the industry is powerful enough to do the same with rap. at the same time.

    – 2009: the stench from the rotting corpse of american music still isn’t enough to turn the stomachs of self-duped mainstream america, who’s ready for another 50 years of musical sodomy by the music industry.

  2. Somebody out there remembers Mr. Mister:

  3. mr3 Says: – 2009: the stench from the rotting corpse of american music still isn’t enough to turn the stomachs of self-duped mainstream america, who’s ready for another 50 years of musical sodomy by the music industry.

    Oh, you mean Brokencyde?

  4. hahaha, you’re just saying this cause you were born were songs sucks, hahahha. those are love songs, compared of today with your justin whiner, or whatever. hahaha. I STILL LOVE THE 80’S YAHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

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