The Fascist Mexican Santa Claus Movie

I will rule the world!

There’s a movie that was made in 1959/1960 about a big fat guy in a red suit named Santa Claus. Every year he brings presents to all the good little children around the world.

So far so good, yes?

Well, not if you’re talking about the Mexican flick Santa Claus, which was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, which correctly observed that the film was “good old fashioned nightmare fuel”.

The future is Santa’s boot stomping on a kid’s face… forever!

Directed by René Cardona, a dude from Mexico City who did some wrestling movies too, this 1959 “movie” concerns a slave-driving Santa (José Elías Moreno) who lives up in the sky and has a whole sweatshop army of little kids doing his work for him. As we begin the movie, Santa gets on the piano and bangs away like a fat, white-bearded Liberace as children from other countries dance around in the most stereotypical fashion possible. When children from Africa don native gear and jump around to drums, you’ll want to hide in your bed and cry and hope Santa skips your chimney.

It takes awhile for P.C. to reach the North Pole.

Anyway, after what seems like an eternity of untalented kids singing, we meet Pitch, a devil (from hell!) who is sent up to Earth to screw up Santa’s Christmas plans. Oh, did I mention that Pitch likes to dance around alot? He’s a bit light on the loafers, if you know what I mean.

I’m evil, I’m carefree, I’m gay! I was born this way!

Anyway, he’s nothing compared to the horror that is fascist Santa! In the observatory, we are told all the cool toys Santa has at his disposal! The earscope! The tele-talker that knows everything! The cosmic telescope! The master eye! Homeland Security has nothing on Santa. Santa’s palace is what the world would have been like if Hitler won WW2.

See your evil!

Hear your evil!

Speak your evil!

See the earscope? It’s a fan with an ear on it. And Santa’s reindeer are actually wind-up reindeer who can emit creepy, menacing laughter that would frighten just about anyone, not just little children. Yes, somebody has been eating too much peyote.

Creepy! Hide under your beds!

Once we escape the Orwellian Klaus stronghold, we meet Lupita, a cute little girl who lives in a poor family. There’s one particular doll that she really wants for Christmas but mommy can’t afford it. Pitch appears to her and tries to get her to steal it. Pitch’s presence is always signaled with an off-key piano note. We’re sure that won’t get old.

Santa and Pitch will battle for Lupita’s soul!

We meet another kid who lives with a rich family but just wants his parents to stick around for Christmas. At least for 5 minutes, before leaving him home by himself while they go out and drink martinis.

Pitch manages to get to a trio of bad kids, but since both they and Pitch are completely incompetent, it’s nothing to worry about. But Santa ain’t exactly a pro, either. Millions of kids around the planet and he spends most of his time in a handful of houses fighting off the devil. Not every efficient, Santa, especially with a kid army at his command. What is it they do all day? And why hasn’t Santa been arrested for violating child labor laws?

Evil has never been so wacky.

Pitch is an evil, evil demon. The first thing he does is move a chimney so Santa can’t get down it. Completely evil! Then he blows on a doorknob until it turns red hot! Menacing! In his defense, Pitch manages to steal Santa’s sleeping powder and flower-to-disappear. Then Santa gets chased up a tree by a mad dog! It’s up to Santa’s friend Merlin the Wizard to help save the day, and hence, Christmas.

Somebody has their fables confused.

Yes, Merlin the Wizard. All of this is presided over by a disembodied narrator who is easily perturbed. The movie ends with Lupita getting her doll, the rich boy’s parents returning home, Pitch getting sent back to hell for more dance lessons, and millions of the world’s other children going Santa-less for the year.

Come to think of it, if you wanted to, you could see Santa’s organization as a metaphor for the US government – they can see and hear everything you do, but they’re so inept that nobody really benefits from it.

Or you could just pass Santa Claus off as a really silly holiday movie from Mexico made by a guy with serious psychological issues. Yeah, that’s your best bet.

Santa is FOREVER!

A little background on this film, courtesy of wikipedia:

In the 1950s, Santa Claus remained an unfamiliar figure in much of Mexico, where holiday gift-giving customs still focused on the Magi and their feast day, Epiphany (January 6). Even today, many discussions of Mexican Christmas customs make no mention of Santa Claus, instead focusing on such traditional holiday elements as posadas and piñatas. However, Santa has become more popular in recent decades, due in part to the efforts of urban merchants. Santa Claus was considered to be a financial success over several holiday-season theatrical releases in the 1960s and 1970s. Broadcast of the film also became a holiday tradition at several U.S. television stations. In more recent years the film has developed a cult following (probably because Mystery Science Theater 3000 featured it). K. Gordon Murray (1922-1979), the “King of the Kiddie Matinee,” who made a career of dubbing Mexican and European B-grade fairy tale movies for American audiences, helped get Santa Claus a viewing in the states, where it did well.