Weird Celebrities

Club Paris Orlando Nightclub Review

posted by Chris Valentine

Today, we review Club Paris Orlando, Paris Hilton’s nightclub located in Orlando, Florida (there’s another one in Jacksonville). This review of Club Paris was written in March, 2005. (The club no longer exists)

Club Paris

We visited Club Paris (Orlando, FL), the club Paris Hilton lent her name to, in order to see if it sucked as much as you’d expect. eXile readers, note: Buns McGillicuddy was regrettably not in attendance. And, as the crowd inside will make blatantly obvious, neither was the face control. Outside, at the entrance, is a 10 foot statue of Paris Hilton’s chihuahua, Tinkerbell. The dog tag reads “Eye Candy.” Scary stuff, especially the eyes.

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Billy, Todd and I prepared to attempt to make it past feis kontrol. The girl behind me was wearing some velour knockoff of the Marc Jacobs congo coat from several seasons ago; presumably she missed the memo that Paris’ “Fashion Police” would be out in force. Some group in front of us was told there will be a 10 minute wait and a drunk girl who “doesn’t want to go in there anyway” offered the bouncer $500 to let them all in. He declines. We all got in 5 minutes later. That’s the caliber of service you just don’t get at the Funky Buddha in Chicago. Not that I want to go back there, either. The entrance at Club Paris Orlando, by the way, is like the line for a ride at Disney World. First you queue up to get in the door, then you queue up again inside to get in the actual club. The manager was running around with a walkie-talkie and headset, attempting to look important. The bouncer at the door referred to him as “micromanaging and f*cking everything up.” We tried to get a picture, but damn if he was just too important to stay still long enough. Incidentally, this place has more Orlando PD on site than I have ever seen anywhere, not that they were paying much attention to anything.

<em>Having made it past face control, you can tell A.I. is thrilled!</em>

Having made it past face control, you can tell A.I. is thrilled!

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Isn’t this place great? The scowling gentleman in the center of the picture appears to be having an excellent time. JB pointed out that another guy in the picture is holding his nose.

<em>Oh, thank G-d, it has a bar. Yay for overpriced, watered down vodka drinks (but at least they were made with Stoli).</em>

Oh, thank G-d, it has a bar. Yay for overpriced, watered down vodka drinks (but at least they were made with Stoli).

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Wow, they have girls dancing together. As Paris would say, “That’s hot!” If only they were in cages. There’s also an androgyne on the far left podium, whose activities and purpose I can’t really discern here.

<em>More girls. Land o' f*cking Goshen, I tell you. This one looks like she was about to have a wardrobe malfunction, or something... which did not happen. </em>

More girls. Land o' f*cking Goshen, I tell you. This one looks like she was about to have a wardrobe malfunction, or something... which did not happen.

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Girls get into the VIP section at Club Paris without paying an additional ten bucks, so I wandered upstairs to check it out. It was the same, plus a bar that was a little easier to get served at than the one downstairs and this hideous room which I suppose is Paris’ private hangout on the rare occasions she visits the place. It has a number of beds, and it would be amusing to sneak a camera in and film some amateur porn there. The big selling point of Club Paris Orlando as a whole (and especially at the VIP level) is supposed to be the presence of girls, yet the crowds on both levels were predominantly male/metrosexual.

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I dug this light fixture, but it wasn’t in tune with the rest of the decor. Actually, not much was in tune with anything in the decor. French Gothic ironwork, plasma screens, pink and green flashing lights… I’m sure the place had aesthetic appeal when it was gutted, but now, not so much.

<em>A.I. posing with the styrofoam dog thing</em>

A.I. posing with the styrofoam dog thing

I assume Club Paris will be closed in less than six months; it looks crowded in those pics, but everyone who left pretty much expressed that they wanted to go once to see it, that it sucked, and that it wasn’t worth going in. Had they put it in the tourist district of town it might have had a shot, but to put it downtown Orlando – in a fairly dead section of downtown no less – it’s a death warrant. I’ve heard Paris Hilton actually makes an appearance at the club every now and then, but seeing how momentary her appearance was at the grand opening, it’s doubtful you’d be able to time a visit to catch her there, much less to catch her there doing anything ridiculous. Oh, and someone at my salon (which is also Paris’ destination when she’s in town) told me a story about getting hit on by Bob Saget in this joint. Now that’s hot.

-Alyx

Update: January 4, 2007

Fla. Nightclubs Says Paris Hilton Fired
Source: Associated Press

Club Paris’ owner Fred Khalilian said that Paris Hilton has been fired, as she has failed to attend scheduled appearances at the Club Paris Orlando location. The troubles started two years ago when Hilton showed up six hours late for the grand opening. Khalilian said:

“She’s created a circus for herself. It’s all about: How has she screwed up now?”

Khalilian does not want to change the name of the clubs – the other one being in Jacksonville. Instead, “Club Paris” will stand for the city of Paris.

You can’t really fault Paris Hilton from avoiding Orlando and Jacksonville like the plague, can you? We certainly can’t fault her for avoiding her own club, as you have seen above. So, will Khalilian make everything French? And what shall become of Tinkerbell? (Can we have it?)

Update: February 2011

Later in 2007, Khalilian went back on his word about keeping the name change. Club Paris become Dolce. But Khalilian’s troubles with Paris were nothing compared to the rape charges against him filed by a 22 year old woman. He was arrested in November 2007. Dolce, of course, didn’t work out either – that club closed in 2008. Fred later pleaded no contest to a battery charge, served 200 hours of community service, then moved to Miami. The space once called Club Paris then became, roughly, the Cheyenne Saloon & Opera House, with the Dessert Lady next to it. Cheyenne didn’t last either – it closed in 2009. (Dessert Lady, thankfully, is still around serve tasty desserts).

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