If you are over the age of forty, or if you aspire to be one day, don’t fret that your dating days are done. If you’ve played your cards right, you’re better at flirting and fucking than ever before, and you’ll know how to spot people who are similarly preserved/improved. Time doesn’t treat everybody well, but there’s no reason why your dating life should dry up after 40. Here’s why.
1) Just Think of All the Cool Stuff You Can Do With Your Butthole Now.
What once was a shrinking violet of an orifice is now your star player. Sure, your vagina is still your nether regions’ most talked about celebrity, but your asshole plays second fiddle to nobody. If you’re like most, you hadn’t had the time nor inclination to stick to much as a pinky up your prison purse. But by this point in your life, your rectum has been home to countless friends and familiar objects. Tight and elastic as ever, here’s to another 40 years of going in through the back door for kicks!
2) Lesbians Still Like Going Down on You.
Why complicate things. You like getting head and lesbians like giving it to you. If you’ve put off this hobby for one reason or another, being over the proverbial hill makes you feel like it’s time to stop wasting time and get a carpet muncher to go to town on your tingly bits. You don’t have to like ladies exclusively to enjoy getting your muff wiggled – it’s just that you haven’t got your clit sucked until it’s been in the mouth of a lady with decades of practice under her tongue. Lesbian dating over 40 isn’t rocket science. You know yourself, what you want. So do they.
3) You’ve Amassed Quite The Dildo Arsenal.
By the time you’re 40 or beyond, and still maintain an active and growing sex life, your sex habits are no longer the thing you often discuss in most polite company. That’s because you’ve put together a sex toy collection worthy of its own walk-in closet. It’s really a sight to behold. Imagine one of those Apocalypse preppers from TV, with the bunker in the backyard full of guns. Now imagine they’re all silicone cocks! You take care of your things, and you like different sex toys and equipment for different occasions. You really know how to fill and orifice, and you’re not stopping anytime soon. After all this collecting and practice, you’ve grown to be a true orgasm aficionado, and this knowledge you possess is truly beautiful.
4) Wayne is in Prison.
And by the time he gets out, we’ll have terraformed Mars and President Clay Aiken will be in his second term of office. You’re free to do as you please, while Wayne has to stamp license plates, thinking about everything he lost over the years.
As you can see, no matter how old you are, you’ve got a lot to look forward to in your future sex life. Don’t be afraid of forty. Fuck on, friends, fuck on.