While the entire world watches the Olympics in Beijing, China, the real competition is to be found back here in America. It’s cut-throat and glorious - to be second best is to be disgraced, but to be the best is to win lots of cash for New York shopping. We’re talking about the LG National Texting Championship, of course.

Read all about it in the Washington Post:

William Glass III, 14, sends text messages like a middle-aged, technology-clueless English teacher. Properly spelled words. Correct punctuation. Precise capitalization. Lengthy paragraphs. No shortened words. “I don’t know, I guess I just never started using the abbreviations, so I’m used to typing things out,” Glass texted.

Even though Glass shuns shorthand, he embraces speed. Glass sends as many as 800 texts a month, his thumbs quickly flying across his phone’s mini-keyboard. That speed and respect for the English language landed the St. Mary’s County teenager in the LG National Texting Championship in New York last month.

Yes, the LG National Texting Championship, sponsored by LG Electronics, of course! After qualifying online, Glass became a semifinalist and traveled to New York with his mom for the championship rounds.

“He developed crazy texting skills,” said his mother, Tonya Glass. “Didn’t know he had them.” She said she is glad she signed up her son for an unlimited text-message plan.

It helped that Glass and his friends communicate nearly exclusively by text message… “It’s the only way we communicate,” Glass’s friend Desirae Holland, 15, said … “I text ‘Willum’ all the time. I’m actually texting him right now.”

OMG, sweet.

William Glass at the LG Competition

But during the semifinal round for seven online winners, Glass slowed down, messed up and lost. Then, contest organizers said he had one more shot at the $50,000 grand prize. The contest was open only to owners of LG phones.

If you don’t own an LG phone, you’re really not serious about being the best, are you?

Suddenly, the teen found himself standing at a game show-style podium as one of eight regional finalists. And with his shy smile and popped polo shirt collar, he was a crowd favorite.

Ever since I can remember I been poppin my collar…
Ever since I can remember I been punchin these keys…

But with all of the lights and cheering and cameras and the “Austin Powers” theme song blaring from the speakers, Glass got nervous and lost his focus. He made a mistake quickly and was out.

Glass walked away with lunchroom bragging rights and $800, which he plans to spend on a new iPod and back-to-school clothes.

Why does the Washington Post do a story on a kid who struck out twice? Where’s the interview with the winner? Who was the winner? Ah, it was this guy:

The $50,000 check went to Nathan Schwartz, 20, of Ohio, who said he sends at least 5,000 texts a month. The winning text: “Does everybody here know the alphabet? Let’s text. Here it goes . . . AbcDeFghiJKlmNoPQrStuvWXy &Z! Now I know my A-B-C’s, next time won’t you text with me?”

5,000 texts a month. Nathan, put the phone down and back away slowly…

By the way, last year the grand prize went to 13 year old Morgan Pozgar of Claysburg, Pennsylvania.

In the end, Pozgar faced off against Michael “Cheeser” Nguyen in the east coast final, with Pozgar slipping past her challenger to face west coast champion Tirosh, a law student from Los Angeles.
“I just wasn’t fast enough,” said Nguyen, a 23-year-old engineer from Pennsylvania. Asked how it felt to take second place, he was clearly disappointed: “I just got beaten by a teenage girl, but you know.”

Yes, we know, “Cheeser”. We know.