LOL at the Drudge Report:

Starbucks to close 600 stores!

Starbucks Corp. has announced it’s closing 600 underperforming stores in the United States. The Seattle-based premium coffee company also announced Tuesday it expects to open fewer than 200 new company-operated stores in the United States in fiscal 2009. The company says it will try to place workers from closed stores in remaining Starbucks.

Ok, I guess that’s panic-worthy!

Hold on, Tweek. Check out this story from Channel 9 News in Orlando:

Florida may be hit especially hard by store closures and cuts at Starbucks. The coffee giant announced plans Tuesday to close 600 stores nationwide, slashing about 12,000 jobs. Central Florida’s slumping housing market may make it a target.

Experts believe many of the job cuts and closings could come from the 100-plus locations in Central Florida area. “I’m so depressed. Personally, I’m probably partially responsible for it, because I used to do Starbucks a lot and now I’ve had to cut back,” said customer Eilleen Antonescu.

Starbucks’ biggest national problem is lower-priced competitors, like McDonalds, offering similar coffees. But analysts say the company over-expanded in Central Florida, as well. In the Mall of Millenia area, for example, three Starbucks locations lie within walking distance of one another. “Companies, when they think they’ve turned onto something big, they over do it. They don’t know how to cut back, how to take it slowly,” Antonescu said.

Lewis Black saw this coming:

Why is there a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks?

Don’t forget the absolutely awesome Onion stories:

New Starbucks Opens In Rest Room Of Existing Starbucks

Starbucks To Begin Sinister ‘Phase Two’ Of Operation

Crude But Functional Starbucks Hewn From Rock Facing

When all the Starbucks have closed you’ll have to get them digitally from Facebook from then on.