Josh Witter is the man.

Neither snow, nor rain, nor fire and brimstone will keep Joshua Witter from the swift completion of his appointed rounds come the end of the world. Witter, a 24-year-old self-described atheist living in Orlando, is the creator of the Post-Rapture Post, which bills itself as “the postal service of the saved.”

For as little as $4.99, Witter offers to deliver your letters to friends and loved ones left behind after the Rapture, when some Christians believe they will be whisked up to heaven while everyone else — the “Left Behind” of the popular book series — suffers a series of tribulations.

As Witter sees it, it will fall to the unsaved to serve as the postmen of the Apocalypse.

“Do you want to take the chance that your loved ones will have to suffer through your ascension into Heaven without knowing how you really feel in your heart?” the site asks. “Sign up for the Post-Rapture Post today to guarantee that, while you are gone, you will remain in the thoughts of those left behind.”

“The Bible says that only those that repent of their sins and accept Jesus as the True Son of God will be saved,” the site reads. “We do neither. Some of our personal sins include: drunkenness, heresy, sacrilege/blasphemy, gluttony, laciviousness, and sloth. There is no way we are going to disappear into Heaven any time soon.”

Witter guarantees that should the Rapture arrive, he would deliver all letters entrusted to him.

“I get about 80% hate mail,” Witter acknowledged. The other 20% fall roughly into two categories: people who appreciate the satire, and fellow atheists — offering their services as postal workers after the Rapture.

Check out the Post Rapture Post

I particularly love the Class III message, and at only $799, it makes a wonderful gift!

Our flagship model. Your message of up to 3,000 characters is hand-scribed on medieval style parchment sheets, and then rolled and wrapped with a fine Italian ribbon. The Class III message is delivered immediately after the Rapture, so expect delivery in as little as one day, depending on the transportation options available to those rejected from the Kingdom of God.

Let us all be saved!